To singles everywhere, you’re welcome. This is the tried and tested single’s guide to getting through valentine’s day without feeling lonely.
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Don’t let the empowering quotes fool you, Valentine’s day can be an extremely uncomfortable time for singles everywhere. You know what I’m talking about. We may have strong fronts, but deep down inside we’re all still vulnerable emotion-filled human beings. You can be the most successful and independent person in the planet, while still yearning for someone to snuggle up with. And, that’s completely okay. In my many years of being single, I’ve learned one valuable lesson: acceptance. You have to be able to tell yourself, “Yeah, I’m single. Yeah, it’s Valentine’s day. Yeah, I’m feeling lonely. What are you gonna do about it?”
To make the most out of this completely human experience, I’ve created the no-fail single’s guide to getting through valentine’s day. This was the five year passion project that I never thought I’d be sharing to the public till now. It’s semi-satirical, slightly sadistic, and very effective. Since then, I’ve only had a belly full of wine every February 14 with no heartaches in sight.
10:00 am - Sleep in
You best believe you’re not gonna be checking your phone today. Social media? I hardly know her. Snooze that alarm. Put your phone away and take a couple hours to sleep in. You don’t need to see those early Valentine love birds crawling up your feed.
11:00 am - Light morning workout
I know, I know. Working out during Valentine’s day may not seem appealing, but hear me out. According to science, exercise increases your endorphins, dopamine, adrenaline and endocannabinoids. Whether we know what those words mean or not, exercise is worth a shot.
12:00 pm - Home cooked lunch
I don’t know how to cook. Maybe some noodles or a hotdog, but definitely not a full meal. And, that’s exactly why I put this on my list. Get your mind off your loneliness by giving yourself a different problem. Just wait. You’ll be crying over your eggs instead of your ex in no time.
2:00 pm - Phone your single aunt
No one is going to hate Valentine’s day more than your single aunt. You may not talk to her often, but I’m telling you she’s gonna be a different type of aunt on the 14th. Get ready for a chika sesh that has stood through the test of time.
3:00 pm - Flower delivery from yourself
Call it a shallow move if you will, but a self-scheduled flower delivery is empowering in every way. The best part is you can pick the flowers you’ll be receiving. Want white roses to go with your all white interiors? You can have it.
6:00 pm - Order a heart shaped pizza
A lot of people don’t know that you can order heart shaped pizzas in Yellow Cab. They may not be as filling as your circle pizzas, but they’re surely a visual treat. Make sure you reserve all slices for yourself, because you deserve it.
7:00 pm - Open your second bottle of wine
Oh, the first? You finished that after your cooking meltdown. Now, it’s time to open a bottle of Chandon to celebrate freedom, youth, and a Happy Valentine’s Day.
8:00 pm - Open your wrapped "surprise” gift
Don’t just buy yourself something for Valentine’s day. Wrap the gift you bought for yourself and take your sweet time in tearing up the decorative paper. Sweet satisfaction.
9:00 pm - Disney movie marathon
I’m telling you. Disney movies hit different after two bottles of wine. There was once a time that the Little Mermaid made me cry on Valentine’s day and it felt so good. Hitting up a Disney movie will get you more emotional than any romance movie there is.
10:00 pm - Mamma Mia! karaoke
If Disney didn’t get you, then Mamma Mia! will. Belting out the lyric, “I've been cheated by you since I don't know when
So I made up my mind, it must come to an end”, will get the water works going. Or, you could sing an empowering song ala Lily James in Mamma Mia 2.
11:00 pm - Sleep early. You still have work tomorrow.
The biggest mistake I ever made on Valentine’s day was forgetting I still have a life on the 15th and all the days after. And, it’s a pretty good life if I do say so myself.