“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to continue this,” he told me.
“Oh. That’s fine with me,” was all I could muster at that point, reverting back to my tendency to put up my walls whenever I felt vulnerable.
In reality, I found myself feeling a little sad—possibly heartbroken, even—over someone who was just meant to be a fling. The beginning of it seemed magical, almost like a movie: it took place few summers ago, back when I was in the middle of college. We had met at a party of a mutual friend, and then a few weeks later coincidentally bumped into each other in a foreign country. We proceeded to go on dates, but ended up seeing each other for just a semester. I guess I was a little too carried away, justifying the warning signs with the fact that we sort of acted like a couple. I’ll break up with him at the end of the semester, I kept telling myself, but then he beat me to the punch, and it hurt me even if I told myself it wasn’t supposed to. At least I know more about differentiating flings from a relationship, I told myself.
Now that it is summer once again, many of us might be interested in something fun, light and short-term. While these three adjectives aren’t exactly synonymous to being levelheaded, a successful summer fling does require a few courtesies that remind us to be realistic as well. Cue Carrie Bradshaw’s voice: I couldn’t help but wonder, is there a secret formula to its success?
Choose your partner wisely
Finding a good partner is something that can make or break the success of your fling. Sadly, many people overlook this step, choosing the first attractive person they would find. Sure, you have to be attracted to and actually like your potential fling. But it would be a good idea to choose someone you won’t keep bumping into once summer ends. “I have had a fling that worked out because we both knew from the start it wasn’t meant to last,” recalls Jane, a twenty-something media practitioner, sharing that having that mindset from the start made things a lot easier. A good example of an ideal partner would be a local you met while on vacation in another country. Knowing that you will have to depart soon makes for an easier exit strategy.
Be open about your intentions
There is no room for non-confrontational individuals here, as it will only complicate things. According to Lena, a 23-year-old banker, the two of you should clarify what you will be getting yourselves into when the timing is right. It isn’t recommended to overtly state your intention the moment you meet; perhaps a wait until the second or third time you see each other. “If you keep delaying the talk, it might end up complicating things, you might fall for your fling or vice versa,” Lena says. She also adds that first and foremost, you also have to be honest with yourself from the start: “Make sure you know what you’re getting into!”
Set a deadline
When something feels so fun and magical, it can get easy to be carried away (read the beginning of this article in case you have forgotten). It is important to be disciplined enough not to overstay, and this is why the first two tips mentioned earlier matter. Factors such as living in two different time zones or cities at least could help with the both of you setting your deadline.
Have fun, but be safe
Since a fling is essentially supposed to be light are carefree, you don’t want to regret anything. “It’s important to practice safe sex if you’re hooking up,” adds Jane. Have fun, sure, but don’t forget to stay safe and take care of yourself as well.
The season is still young, with many potential flings just around the corner. While it might be easier for some of us to simply jump in, always leave room for some self-reflection, being honest with yourself and what you want. If a fling is what you’re truly looking for, then hopefully reading this would help navigate it to its success. Enjoy!
As seen on MEGA Magazine April 2018